indecisions

I love him and I hate him. I hate the way he has control over my emotions, that he makes me want to serve him and to cook for him, shop with him and to save money for him. I hate that i want to please him.

I hate that I am not going to activities and church meetings on fridays and am getting obsessed about him.

I hate that I need reassurance and confirmation from him.

I like listening to npr and have not had time to do so in so long. I haven't read in so long.

I need to read more news, spend more time with friends, have better self control and watch more debate videos online.

I need to be more serious about my faith.

Things I do

I like to avoid trouble, and particular people at particular times.

I get jealous easily and tend to compare myself to others.

I like to socialize with down to earth people who don't put on airs.

I like to laugh, and to give thanks.

I tend to get into embarrassing situations and wish that I can disappear sometimes.

I like friends and friendships but not relationships, I get weirded out by relationships.

I like to go to class for drawing and painting, I don't like any of the biology classes I am taking, but I like doing lab work and treating patients.

I am a workaholic and I get absolutely bored if there is nothing for me to do or have fun with.

It is very hard for me to sit down and read for a long time. I have not finished reading an assigned novel from page 1 to the end since high school.

I tend to get into the zone in whichever one I am in and stayed that way for a long time, I am a situational animal.

Medical Schools

University of Central Florida

Tuition, 20,600,

Fees: 30871.40

Florida State University-College of Medicine—20182

University of Miami, medical school

University of Alabama,

University of South Alabama

University of Washington and Vanderbilt

University of California-San Francisco, Mecial school

12,245

University of Massachusetts-Worcester

University of California-Los Angeles

--12,245

University of California-Davis

12,245

University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center-Dallas

26,310

University of California-San Diego

12,245

University of Texas Health Science Center-San Antonio

26,070

Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center

25,150

Texas A&M Health Science Center

22,650

Yale University

43850,

Mercer University

University of Texas Health Science Center-Houston

University of Georgia

Morehouse University

so I realize that I am taking a lot of classes that I hate, for instance, financial accounting and corporate finance. I really enjoy Literature classes, but that's about it. Science is pretty easy for me, so it's cool, but the class is such a bore. I'm quite confounded, recently, I feel trapped. I love tutoring, but I hate calling up the kid to make sure that he is still on board for tutoring, I hate arranging the times to tutor and thinking about it. I love the kids I have at church, but I hate going to church, getting ready for church, being in a car for 2 hours on the way there, and 2 hours on the way back. I love people, but I hate the superficial conversations that we use when we ask each other feakly, so how are you doing today? Most of all, I hate crowds. I love friends, but I hate the fake and half-hearted friendships there are. I'd rather know someone really well or not know him/her at all, the middle ground is for cowards, i think. '
So you see there are quite a lot of contradictions in my life. Maybe this is the perfect example of the inner conflicts on man vs. society.